After several days of keeping it a secret, the surprise birthday party finally happened! Last night, I brought a raspberry-chocolate mousse cake with cute candles (from FIT, a Japanese convenience store) to Ben's apartment. I was convincing enough to make him believe I bought the cake as a "just because" treat. Little comments over the past days of 'don't forget our birthday plans next weekend' and 'I hope Tuan doesn't see this cake and think we don't have plans next weekend' were enough to allay any suspicions Ben had. We had a simple lunch while watching Breaking Bad. There was plenty of couple time afterwards, but I had to draw Ben outside his apartment until the proposed time.

We studied at his school for a couple of hours before "stomach issues" made me want to make a quick trip back to his place. We drove back at ten after 6PM—BAM—SURPRISE!

Everyone, myself included, watch as Ben's face turned the brightest red. He was shocked! Tuan brought three boxes of thin crust pizza out and we all sang happy birthday (we did an encore song when I brought the cake out). The others told me after the pizza had been laid out that Tuan vocalized some feelings of betrayal. It was a little humorous because Tuan and I agreed to host the party at 6, but I came about ten minutes after to account for them to find parking and get situated. Everyone chimed in that that made more sense, so hopefully Tuan wasn't too perturbed.

One of the girls brought pigs in a blanket that were cut into thick slices. She sprinkled the dough with mustard seeds. It was pretty good! I want to try making it too. We were out-numbered by the boys (we were only three: Me, Betty, Anh-Thu) and talking with them wasn't as awkward as I feared. I told Anh-Thu I liked her shirt (there were Mario characters on it) and Betty told me she actually liked mine. I was wearing the lace overlay crewneck sweater and the lace was a hit. I confessed I bought it from Forever21, instantly recognizing the judgment in Anh-Thu's eyes as familiar because the three of us were thinking about the quality. Not feeling deterred, I joked that the quality was probably going to be terrible but at least the verbal acknowledgement caused us all to laugh. Plus, the look disappeared. Success!

The Birthday Boy with the last remaining slice

One of the reasons why I felt happy the surprise party turned out so well is...a bit silly. Back in college when Ben and I were just friends, a female friend of his orchestrated a dinner at a buffet place. There was no real fanfare, no cake, etc. but she did produce a giant butterfingers bar since she had asked him before what was his favorite chocolate bar. I had heard about all of this about a month after (when Ben and I started dating), and I felt a little bummed that (1) I didn't know his birthday had passed so recently (2) This was the same girl that had feelings for him but gracefully bowed out when she walked in on Ben meeting me at Common Grounds.

I always wondered, ever since then, if I could put together some party for him as well (where friends of his would be present). It's been a long time since then, but as of yesterday, I finally achieved my goal! According to Ben, definitely no comparison if compared to the past. I needled him a bit that the birthday party I had (co-shared with Connie's birthday) with friends did not include him; he remarked that his priorities were really out of whack in the past. That simple admission was really nice to hear. It may not sound meaningful, but both of us understood what he was really trying to say. I guess we have matured from our previous selves.

On another note, January is coming to a fast close and some important days are coming up in February. I'm excited but also stunned. Application cycles are not that far off. I haven't finished researching schools out of state or worked on a personal statement. Finding a PA to shadow has been dead end after dead end. I don't know how much my chances in applying will be hurt (I have tons of extracurriculars in the past already) but I am a little on edge about it. I guess the best way to calm my nerves is to work on everything a little bit every day. Ben is getting more stressed too trying to study for both Step and his classes. The amount of questions they need to cover every week to keep up studying with Step is quite a bit. Getting behind could mean a hundred questions to catch up on. We both have something that gives us stress, but hopefully we can lean on each other during these tough times.

I am still scared about the future, but I am ready to try again.