Graduation is fast approaching, and I find myself thinking more and more about what I'm going to be doing after I walk across the stage. I keep telling myself that looking forward is what I need to do; but right now, I'm finding it nearly impossible when certain family members remind me that I've failed in the original plan. That I've apparently broken their hearts, used up a lot of money, and face a future so uncertain that things look bleak. How can I move forward despite that?

I know it's just part of moving on. There will always be people making it a little harder because of offhand comments or insensitive jokes. What I need to do is to learn how to move past it. I need to grow a thicker skin. I need to bear their comments, and I can't let it affect how I perform in the future.

I feel childish when I think about my longing to be independent. To be out there, bumming on my own. The main appeal seems to be the absence of commentary. That there is no time crunch because I'm going at my pace, however slow that pace may be. Maybe it's selfish to say that since I'm still financially dependent. No, it is selfish, isn't it? But I still can't help what I feel. It irks me that I can't seem to get across what I mean or feel about this whole thing. It seems like this whole entry circles the main point and I only come off as whining about an uncertain future.

What do I want to say? I'm sad again. It's getting closer and closer to how I was before and I need to find a new way to deal. It's imperative that I do because crying isn't as satisfying anymore.