Is this still senioritis? I find myself distracted beyond measure when it comes to school. I'm not in any particular rush to graduate, nor am I wishing to live in Waco. I feel restless, and I'm not exactly sure why. I've got a tiny stack of powerpoint slides to read over for a test this Friday. I've got a fairly easy project due on the same day. I no longer feel that familiar excitement when it comes to tackling assignments. The small pleasures of my day are spent with certain friends; we're not even doing anything extraordinary, just talking or grabbing some food.

Am I longing for full independence? Even though I am no where near ready for handling things on my own? I want things to be different, and I need to learn how to achieve these goals. I've all but lost my enjoyment for my organization duties. I have practically zero interest in the classes I'm taking. I'm stressing myself to the point of starvation with thoughts of what the future holds. To put it simply, I'm a mess.

This is a time where there is none; I want to stop everything, and take a moment to appreciate where I am. But I can't seem to do that because there is always something tugging for my attention. It seems cowardly to want to put all my obligations/responsibilities on hold, but I feel like I need a break. A real one.

Will I get a break once I've completed my research on what to do for a career? Or will this restlessness transform into bitterness and/or resentment for not having attained what I set out to do? I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I don't know if all of this is just a by-product from the frustration cell dev has induced. Maybe it was brought on by the fact that I went to the Bear Fair with Connie to buy our cap and gowns. (I made sure to pick up a Gratitude Stole to wear (and planning on giving it to my mother since my graduation happens to be on her birthday!) and nearly caved in to buy a 'Class of 2011' t-shirt.)

In any case, these thoughts have been swimming in the back of my head. They surface from time-to-time, so I like to keep either this blog or my moleskine on hand. It's funny that even at this time, my head is still bursting with questions.