Despite the happy posts recently, I don't seem to be impervious to the occasional blues. August usually means the beginning of school, of classes, of digging in for a long year of working hard. In a way, it's about beginnings. I know not all schools start in August; some professional schools start in the summer. My point is, August reminds me of beginnings and I'm not beginning anything. (Not yet.)

It's supposedly too early to hear back from schools but I have yet to kick the habit of checking my email every couple of hours. Despite the time that I do have, my mind will occasionally lapse back into a feeling of stagnation. The longer the wait, the longer I might wallow in those feelings. It doesn't help that I feel as though I'm always waiting for the second shoe to drop—to be questioned by my parents about why I'm still standing by. Even if I give perfectly reasonable answers, I know this is just the warning sign before they begin a venting session. It's not easy to develop thick skin against your loved ones, is it?

To be fair, I haven't been grilled recently. But that's also precisely the point of my anxiety: waiting for the next time. Telling myself it could be worse is just cold consolation. I don't think I want consolation. I just want some sign of progress. Until then, though, I can only take a deep breath, and keep counting the days until I hear some good news from schools.