Brought my red suitcase as carry-on plus the UNTHSC messenger bag from that health disparities conference for my first solo plane ride back home! It was an interesting adventure, and while this may simultaneously undermine my next statement... I felt very grown up walking through that airport!



I had the insane fear that they would say my luggage didn't fit the regulations, or that the products I put in the ziploc bag were suspicious, or any number of things that could go wrong. What happened instead was a quick walk through security, followed by an equally easy stroll to the terminal. Never mind that I was a good three hours early. I found a comfortable spot at a counter and spent that time studying. And munching on a warm cinnabon!



There were no assigned seats so I sat all the way in the back because I figured I would have more room to myself. A young... officer? cadet? lieutenant? His uniform was neatly pressed, there were fancy badges on the front, but I couldn't really work out what his uniform symbolized. He looked to be around my age and ended up sitting next to me. He was a nice guy since he gladly obliged helping me stow away my carry-on in the overhead storage space. The plane ride was quick and I walked out of Hobby still feeling like a cool cat!

Anyway, I just wanted to recount that trip. It's a small milestone in my short life so far. Right now, I'm hunched over my desk and the curvature is seriously causing me some backaches! I spent the entire afternoon working on MCAT and notes, but I feel guilty for having blown my morning in the bed. I'll make up for it tomorrow. The date is fast approaching; I feel ambivalent about it right now. I suppose it's a step up from sheer desolation but I don't want a rush of feelings to hit me as soon as I enter that testing center. I'm still riding the good waves from the amazing pep talk from my ochem instructor. I really want to show that I've grown in the past two months by doing better on this test. If I can do better than my previous score, I'll feel like I've earned something. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel like I have a fighting chance.

I've been hesitant to joke about my parents getting ready to come to my white coat ceremony. Earlier, I wouldn't be so bold as to joke about that because I worried about how ridiculous I would feel if things didn't come to pass. I was so afraid of that feeling, of being wrong, that I've only done more harm than good to myself. What needs to change is how I approach difficult obstacles. If I can't even stand up and acknowledge that there could be a happy outcome, then I'm not really doing myself any favors. I need to believe that things will work out, especially if I legitimately tried to achieve it.

I have friends and family who are supporting me; they haven't seemed to lose faith in me. The least I could do is not to lose faith in myself. Friday is fast approaching but instead of cowering in fear, I feel like part of me has grown this summer. It all comes to a head at the end of this week, I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Oh and quick side-note, I reached the one year and six months with Ben as of today. It's pretty exciting, I can't wait to properly celebrate it after this Friday. I've got some letters to mail out too to friends :) Despite the short summer break, I'll make it memorable!