I just bid Ben goodnight on the phone. He visited early this afternoon after I spent the morning studying for biostats and attending a review. I suggested driving downtown; before long, we were hitting the streets and enjoying each other's company. I'm unsure how to describe the feeling of holding the hand of your beloved as you walk down the sidewalk. Many different urges—look at the bookstore, walk down this street, stop by the chocolate factory, grab a smoothie, take a picture—seized me and it was hard not to give into all of them at once. The thing I loved most about today wasn't merely visiting places, or eating, or watching a movie together; the thing I loved most was that I got to spend a good chunk of my day with the guy I love very much. We've got a year and five months under our belt, and hopefully we'll keep going strong! His visit was just the sort of recharge I needed to get back into the studying swing.

I've got a test this Thursday, so I need to be studying a little more for that on top of my MCAT studies. I completely redid my personal statement and edited my resume for my interview this Monday. I need to purchase a plane ticket for August, and deposit a money order at the bank. I'll be submitting one of three (two?) applications in before the weekend is over. Clearly, I've got a lot to get done.

I'm afraid a lot of my posts until August will be tinged with that fear of not doing well. I've set my goal high so I have to deliver; given that this is my second time around, I feel even more pressure at succeeding. Seconds chances aren't that often, and I believe there was a reason for why I was graced with this opportunity. It's up to me to do my best; part of it, it seems, is to overcome this pesky inferiority complex. I've mentioned to several people that I'm arguably intelligent, and in response, soundly told off and declared quite intelligent. I don't think numerous people telling me I'm intelligent is going to make me feel that way. The change starts from within. If I want to feel better, I need to motivate myself to think better about it. Everyone else is there to reinforce it, but I need to get that spark going. And I'm grateful that I have such great parents and friends (and a great boyfriend!) to be there for me.

I've got to wake up at 7 to get ready for church in the morning. The best way to start my Sundays :) After that, finish studying for biostats and squeeze in MCAT where I can. As for the other tasks, I'll need to work those in too. Le sigh.